The weirdest, scariest, funniest, worst, and best Valentine's Day ever
by Holmium
Summary: When a prank goes completely wrong...bad stuff happens. And it is all Nephrite and Zoisite's fault.


Oh my goodness~ I am so sorry for being four days late with this fanfiction~ ^_^; I hope you all aren't mad, but you know how real life gets in the way~ I had a piano competition (and received top rating, hooray!) and then I got a mild case of the flu, on Valentine's Day~ And then after my competition I caught a cold~ My immune system...is not the greatest~ I apologize~

"I can't believe it. I'm all alone again!" Zoisite kicked over a pile of books. "You're leaving again, the day before Valentine's Day!"

Kunzite closed the spell book he was reading through and let his reading glasses rest on his nose. "I'm sorry, Zoisaito, but you know that Valentine's Day carries with it a lot of energy."

Zoisite stomped his foot. "But you leave every year! Doesn't Beryl have enough energy by now?"

"Apparently not. That's the way it is. Stop arguing."

"At least take Nephrite with you!"

"Nephrite is staying right here. I'm sorry, Zoisaito."

Zoisite gave up and teleported away, leaving Kunzite by himself.

"Why does Zoisaito have to guilt me so much?" Kunzite sighed. "There really is no way I can get out of leaving him. What would Beryl do? I'm certain she knows all about our relationship and is only barely tolerating it. I think Beryl knows everything."

Zoisite gathered his warm fuzzy blankets around him tightly. He looked like a Zoisite-y burrito.

"I wish it was Kunzite-sama making me feel all warm instead of my old blankets." Zoisite sniffled. "But I wonder, why is he always reading on that old spell book of his? Why does it captivate him so?"

Zoisite made up his mind. Once Kunzite left for Earth, he would read the old, dusty book and see for himself.

"I can't believe Kunzite is making me clean up his labratory." Nephrite grumbled. "Why can't his mean little pet do that?"

Nephrite swept up some purple dust that spontaneously caught on fire. Then he said some very bad words.

"Once I finish cleaning," Nephrite promised himself, "I will read through Kunzite's old, dusty spell book and find some way to get revenge. On him or his pet rat."

"I must be very sneaky." Zoisite thought to himself. "I see Nephrite in there cleaning."

Zoisite had made himself a little cat burgler outfit. He had a black turtleneck shirt, black pants, and a black Tuxedo-mask style mask.

Zoisite saw the old book sitting on Kunzite's mahogany desk. Quietly, he flipped through the worn pages, looking for an interesting spell that was feasible for his skill level.

"Ha-ha!" Zoisite grinned. "Look at this one! A body switching spell...I think I will use this to play a prank on Nephrite. All I need is a hair from his little Earth girlfriend Naru..."

Zoisite quickly memorized the formula and scurried off.

"I'm so bored. Time for a break." Nephrite said, throwing the chemical-stained wash rag behind him. "There's got to be more interesting things to do in that spell book in Kunzite's private office."

Nephrite entered the doorway and saw the old book lying open to the body-switching page.

"This is perfect!" Nephrite grinned maliciously. "All I need is a hair from Kunzite, which can be found..."

Nephrite glazed the room and shuddered when he saw some of Kunzite's clothes on the floor mixed with Zoisite's.

"Well, I'd rather not touch these, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do."

Usagi and Naru were chowing down on some turkey from Makoto.

"Mmm, delicious!" Usagi chomped.

"Usagi-chan, there is turkey in your hair!" Naru scolded.

"Speaking of hair..." Zoisite appeared and smirked.

"Aaah! It's one of those guys!" Usagi shrieked.

"Those guys?" Naru asked.

"Yeah, you know, a spy."

"A spy?"

"But...why would a spy be here?"

"Don't ask me, you said he was a spy!"

"Oh yeah."

Zoisite looked confused, but then remembered what he was there for.

"I'll take THAT!" he said, yanking out a strand of Naru's hair.

"Aah!" Naru yelped, clawing at Zoisite who thankfully had already teleported away.

"Okay, one Naru hair, one eye of newt, and one toe of frog later, the spell is ready." Zoisite said with satisfaction. "Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and so tomorrow Neffy will get pranked."

Zoisite had been up all day practicing the words, and now by evening, he was ready.

"Here goes nothing...Bibbidi...Bobbidi...Boo! Turn me into Naru!"

Instantly, there was an explosion. Green clouds filled the room. Zoisite worried for a second that the clouds were made of Chlorine gas, but then they turned red and disappeared. Zoisite dashed over to his mirror to see if the spell had worked. Indeed, it worked like a charm. Zoisite laughed and it came out as a high-pitched giggle.

"It feels so strange being a girl." Zoisite said, now possessing Naru's voice. "And I didn't even switch countries!" He straightened the bow and smirked. "Nephrite is going to be soooooooooo fooled!"

"Well, although I don't care for Kunzite that much, I do have to admit he takes care of his hair." Nephrite tossed his now mint-blue hair over his shoulder. "I mean, just look at the way it shines!"

Then Nephrite swooshed his cape around, enjoying the noise it made as it sailed through the air.

"You know, it's too bad that this particular spell was only strong enough to make me look like Kunzite to only Zoisite. I could boss the youma around even more than I already do. And then I could bother Beryl without getting fried, or worse, expelled!" Nephrite smirked. "And now, it's time to go take little Zoisaito on a date."

"Let's see..." Zoisite rehearsed what he was going to say as he wandered the hallways to Nephrite's quarters. "I'll pretend I accidentaly wandered into the Dark Kingdom and be all suprised to see Neffy there."

Suddenly, Zoisite saw Nephrite at the end of the hallway. He thought Nephrite was Kunzite due to the spell.

"Kunzite-sama?" Zoisite thought. "I thought he was supposed to be on Earth! Perhaps he didn't have to go after all!"

At the same time, Nephrite saw Zoisite, who appeared to be Naru.

"Naru-chan!" Nephrite thought. "She must be lost. Well, may as well take her out on a date."

Zoisite and Nephrite, completely forgetting about the pranks they were going to play, locked eyes and did the funny smiling thing that sweethearts do. Just like in movies, they ran in slow motions into each other's arms.

"Oh, my dearest. It has been so long since I've last seen you." Nephrite murmured.

"I know. I completely understand." Zoisite said back lovingly.

Some passing youma stared at Nephrite and Zoisite, wondering if they were drunk or on drugs or a combination of both.

"Let's go out together." Nephrite said.

"Of course. To our favorite park with the cherry blossom trees?"

Nephrite froze. "Uh-oh, we have a favorite park? I don't remember this! I'll just play along." he thought.

"Yes, dear. Let's go." Nephrite said confidently.

Zoisite grinned and took Nephrite's hand.

The park was unusually quiet for Valentine's Day. Zoisite supposed it was dinnertime and so all the human couples would be at fancy restaurants. But he didn't care because his Kunzite-sama was there with him. Likewise, Nephrite was happy he could be with Naru. Or so they thought.

Nephrite took Zoisite over to a bench and sat. Zoisite snuggled on Nephrite's lap and buried his nose in Nephrite's hair.

"You're so beautiful." Zoisite said softly. "I'm so happy we could spend tonight together after all."

"Yes. I love you very much." Nephrite said, gazing deep into Zoisite's emerald eyes.

Zoisite, still believing he was with Kunzite, and Nephrite, still believing Naru was in his arms, started to kiss passionately.

Then Zoisite started to unbutton Nephrite's jacket. Nephrite, noticing that nobody else was around, allowed him to.

Suddenly, an icy blue light lit up the area around the bench. Kunzite had arrived.

"Zoisite!? What are you doing!?" Kunzite asked in shock.

"What?" Zoisite got off Nephrite's lap. "Why are there two Kunzite-samas?"

"Naru baby, come back to me!" Nephrite moaned.

"What is going on?" Kunzite looked hurt and confused. "Zoisite, I was almost done here in the Earth realm. Why did you seek attention from Nephrite?"

"Nephrite? What?" Zoisite looked back and forth between the two Kunzites. "You mean...no...he DIDN'T!" Zoisite gasped. "Nephrite? Is that you?"

"You aren't Naru? You're ZOISITE?"

"Oh, I see!" Kunzite laughed. "You must have used my body-switching spell to prank each other. And it went all wrong."

"I KISSED NEPHRITE!" Zoisite wailed, curling up in a ball.

"I CONFESSED MY LOVE TO ZOISITE!" Nephrite whined, falling over into a nearby trash bin.

"Well, that should teach you two not to mess with things that aren't yours. Now come, Zoisite. You must have a bath to wash all of those Neffy germs off."

"Only if you'll take one with me." Zoisite said shyly.

"Well, OBVIOUSLY."

Leaving Nephrite in the trash bin, Zoisite and Kunzite went back to the Dark Kingdom to have a very sexy time together.

~The End~


End file.
